Stupid Christmas.
It's my favorite Holiday.
I have avoided it for the last 4 seasons.
It still doesn't seem right to me to have another Christmas without Dallas.
I know I should carry on shouldn't I? But it doesn't hold the same sparkle for me anymore.
That in itself is sad.
I have not put up a tree for 4 years. I have attempted to avoid it at all costs, sending the youngest one elsewhere so he can enjoy Christmas every year.
This year I can't get out of it.
And I know it is hard for people, but I want to crawl into a dark space and hide until
people who celebrate love, happy, and holiday are gone.
I'm wrong aren't I.
Selfish?
This will be the 5th Christmas without him and it still feels like the first.
I love and hate you Christmas....

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